Imagine This

Teri really only understood her own desires barely. She couldn't face them entirely, not at twenty-six, not now at thirty-four. She wanted to feel around inside of her head, maybe use one of those forensic dust brushes she sees in all those cop shows she glued her eyes to every night. At least then she could see whether or not her own fingerprints would be found inside her mind or if she had only allowed others to tell her, teach her, train her, manipulate her into believing what she wanted to believe was wrong or dirty somehow. Today she promised her self again as she had promised her self before, today she would find the thought she could fully explore and question either out loud or on paper that she would probably end up tearing up or burning so that no one could hold her hostage to her own desires.

What was she thinking exactly? She could see her imaginary body laying naked in the sun of course, that much was clear and it must have been outside on the beach just a little further down from her own place in Malibu; after all her little condo wasn't exactly abutting a Pacific coastline. It would have to be a little further down the beach. Maybe it was in front of that big rectangular house with the dozens of matching white rocks lining the walk, lining the back porch. She wondered for a second where anyone would find so many white perfectly rounded rocks anyway? Some of them reminded her of perfectly honed movie star butts perky and posed for the camera; the valley of their backs the sandy ground holding each one of them in line, just waiting for the word "action" to begin their frontal thrusts into the ground over and over again.

She could see her naked body laying out in the sun of course, that much was clear to her and with every intermittent interrupted thought about rocks which she was sure belonged to someone beautiful, she imagined again the man behind the ceiling-to-floor windows looking down from his rectangular house and seeing his intruder just a foot from the waves that he for whatever perverted reason believed he owned simply because they dared to crash and ebb within the boundaries of what he considered to be his domain. Would he watch her bathing or think her trespass? Her mind allows him to approach. He gives his hand to her, at least in her mind he does. She wants to ask his name and she wants to speak softly, but nothing comes out of her mouth --dreams are often like that. He stares through her not at her, she wants to cover up immediately, and at the very same moment she thinks this she realizes she has every intention of being seen for as long as she can possibly stand it. He says nothing, she feels the heat for the first time coming off the sun.